We sometimes find it is easy to be kind, compassionate and loving to others.
What can be harder is being kind, compassionate and loving for ourselves and yet this is the first place we really benefit from starting a love revolution.
Time and time again, I say to people and even to myself, “Is it working out for you being so hard on yourself?” Of course the answer is always “No.”
We have all heard the saying that we cannot love another until we love ourselves and this is what this article is about because for many of us, loving ourselves totally and completely is the inner battle that we all can possibly struggle with.
It is very easy to get lost in a cycle of self-punishment, self-criticism and self-sabotage and when the ball is rolling, it can be hard to stop the ‘rolling stone.’ Momentum is like a bus going down a hill. If the bus has just started to roll, then it is easier to stop. However, when the bus has picked up momentum, there is no way that we can stop it. It is more likely to knock us over with that very same momentum.
This is the power of momentum and once it has kicked in, it is not possible to stop the bus. It is much easier to work at cleaning up our vibrations and triggers when we feel happy and good, though when we fall into the self-loathing pit it can be hard to talk ourselves out of it. This is where the term ‘nip it in the bud’ comes from. Aim to stop the self-judgements before they get out of hand.
What can we do to stop this cascade of self-loathing?
It is possible to have zero negativity towards ourselves and others. To achieve this, we have to spend time and remember to have awareness and mindfulness in regards to our thoughts.
The earlier we have awareness that we are on a downward slide the better and the sooner we can take action to stop the slide in its tracks. The practise of mindfulness will help with watching the thoughts as they arise and then the art is helping to practise letting them go or changing them. This will take you closer to being kinder and loving to yourself.
Other strategies to increase the self-acceptance are
- Reframing and knowing that the criticism and negativity is actually serving a higher purpose. Starting to see what the function of the self-put downs is. It may be there to stop us taking risks, moving forward or stepping out of our comfort zone. When we do this we can start to see that the negativity that we have is based on fear and all fear is there to protect us or stop us doing something.
- Identifying where this fear comes from? Often the answer of this will revert back to childhood and if someone was aware of their fear, then they will see that there is a personal history of this self-doubt. In the primary fear event, there will be an outcome that is greater than the issue.
- Asking yourself to explore the origin of your thought patterns. Where does it come from, how old it is and how are they protecting me. Know that the more severe and chronic they are, the older they are.
- What types of experiments or changes are you willing to do to change how you feel? Are you willing to put yourself in situations that make you feel uncomfortable? These will help you to step out of your own comfort zone
- Accepting and starting to process this information, moving the feelings from one part of the brain to another.
- Before processing, asking yourself, what you will think will happen.
- Visualising different outcomes. When you visualise you exercise your imagination. Aim to start to see different outcomes. This works best when it is done consistently and continually. Know that the imagination does not increase or create anxiety. It is our beliefs, programming or learned behaviours that give us the reactivity and anxiety.
- Stay curious. What could be happening to you when you are triggered by other people or events? When we stay curious we are not in judgement.
- Finally, keep asking yourself, what will help, what will make me feel better?
Know that it is important for us to have internal safety. Safety is one of our primary needs, just like food and shelter. Start to find ways or think of ways that will help you to feel safe. When we feel unsafe we can disassociate from ourselves.
Having a sense of belonging is also a way to create some harmony and self-love. Research is now linking loneliness as an underlying reason that we head down the path of addictions.
All in the what we are best doing is to let the kindness and love in.
Opening to love is an opening up process and this could produce more anxiety for you, because the opening up can lead to being in a space of unpredictability and we like to know what is coming next. Allow yourself to relax into this space. Know that when we open ourselves we open our heart to healing.
Let the self-love in, in a very full way, moment to moment. Open to living in a world of mystery where you do not know what can came up next. Ironically once we surrender into this trust our instinct and gut feeling becomes a stronger guide for us and life can start to become exciting.
If you would like to learn more about having self-autonomy in your life. To be your own guide, teacher, healer, master and genius, check out The Higher Laws
This is an journey of exploration to educate you to master your own polarity, release resistance and master living life happily and free. It also will teach you to quickly manifest the life that you want to be having. http://www.thehigherlaws.com.
Contact me if you would like to learn more about this.
Seeing you always in happiness and health